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Originally Posted by thought_pool
He cheated on me once 3 years ago, a drunken one night stand and confessed in July 2019. I stayed.
He tells me how unhappy he was in life and how he never considered that he might've been the problem and blamed everyone else.
He struggled with alcohol abuse, was surrounded by terrible company and worked in the service industry as a bartender, constantly surrounded by these things.
He cheated with a coworker, who had her sights set on him since he first started working there. I warned him about her and expressed my concerns many times, still he pressed there was nothing to worry about.
He told me he never had feelings for her, that it was solely a one night stand and a huge mistake. He stopped talking to her completely and left that bar a few months later.
This all unfolded when I found texts to a new coworker at a new bar. He was flirting with her and was of course, drunk again. He didn't remember the texts.
I was raging at him and he broke down crying and confessed about the first girl. So I guess it was a bit of both.
He's cut ties with any girl that's made me feel uncomfortable (and please don't get me wrong, I'm not unreasonable. These girls he's cut off are any of the ones that have flirted with him and have expressed interest.)
He wasn't able to figure this all out about himself without counseling. Since he's been, he's a completely changed person.
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So he cheated once, left the bar then flirted with a new coworker and texted with her then got busted.
How do you know for a fact that he’s changed?
Seems to me he’s a cheater and cannot be trusted. He’s also been known to lie to you. I wouldn’t trust him if it were me. Two times he’s already crossed the line. He’ll just be more careful next time.
All other prior issues are major red flags. His drinking is also a red flag. If he continues to work in a bar, who is to say he won’t get drunk and do this again?
Seems to me you’re trying to fix a mountain of his problems that are not yours to fix. And now you think you need to change yourself. He’s the problem. You can do better.