I am so sorry you are having such a hard time, Lamujerdefranky! I wish I had wisdom so I could offer you some good advice, but sadly I lack such wisdom.

Have you considering consulting a psychotherapist? Sometimes when I am in a situation I cannot sort out, it helps me to talk to a professional who can see things from the outside and has some wisdom regarding relationships. What do you think?

You are a good person with so many qualities that can be appreciated and treasured so please do not be too hard on yourself for having relationship troubles. I have had those too and I think many people struggle with these kinds of problems.

Are you safe? Sometimes name calling and things like that can turn violent and your safety is the most important thing. Please contact a woman's crisis center if things are not safe for you.

I do want to welcome you to PsychCentral. I hope this site can be a place where you can feel at home to express whatever is going on in your life, your mind and heart. Although I am just a new member here, I have already found this site to be helpful to me.

Wishing you only the best! -- Yaowen