I'm not an expert, but if you're not happy, sooner or later, with or without counseling or therapy, most likely your relationship will end.
Right now, as it is: it's done. You're not attracted to her and you're not liking that fact, it's making you unhappy.
I'm guessing you know that passion/attraction fades naturally after sometime, so even if one day you find someone more your type and things go well, you may end up feeling the same lack of desire after some years.

What would make you change your mind about your relationship?

What about you? Are you who you want to be, with or without her? Did you stagnated personally? Are you doing everything you can to be your best you? Or you pretty much go home, watch tv, and do what needs to be done to satisfy your family's basic needs?
I say this because, sometimes, we rely on others to make us feel or be who we want to be and when they don't we think they are not adequate.

But if you look at her and really don't feel like that is the life you want, if you are unhappy, if that to you is important...it's pretty much over.
And if you think you're bad or you're breaking a higher law if you leave, careful, you can feel trapped and that can lead to depression.

I've been there.
True, you're a man, I'm a woman, we don't think the same way. You have kids, I don't.

But I too lived 12 years with my (now ex - thank you universe) boyfriend, and for many many years I wasn't happy with him.

He wasn't my type of man, personality wise and physically. But in the first 2-3 years of our relationship he filled my needs and desires - I was coming out of a relationship where we fought all the time - and then this guy was so quiet, we thought alike, everything was peaceful and I was ok with his face and body. I don't usually end up with the hottest, so...

But life happened, time passed, passion inevitably faded and this guy was just not my type. I was strong, sociable, he was avoidant, introvert. I still appreciate many things that came from that relationship, but he was not right for me (and not good for me, either). And I was probably not right or good for him. As he ended up concluding. Yes, he.

He was mean to me sometimes, he was controlling and emotionally blackmailed me a lot. "If you did this is because you don't love me" kind of blackmail. It was extremely boring, very unfulfilling intellectually and physically and on weekends very stressful and we did fought a lot, he just couldn't remember the next day...
I stayed with him more 9 years.

In my mind, I had to be strong and save the relationship. Long story short: he gave me a huge depression like I never thought I could have. I spent 8 years of my life destroying myself, my social life, my connection to the world, and my sanity to save the relationship, to make him feel happy and loved.

In the end...He had a sort of midlife crisis and did everything he could so I break up with him, which is really childish. One day, I had enough of that *** and broke up with him

It was hard after that. Now I don't hate him, but I can't stand him. He basically destroyed 10 years of my life that were very hard and painful to rebuild afterwards.

So, if it was not working after the first 3 years ---I should have left right there. But I couldn't. Because I was attached to the relationship, trapped in the emotions, and feeling horrible for being the one to destroy a relationship and his feelings and my feelings.