Thanks Discombobulated, it's been extremely upsetting on so many levels. My sister clearly has a very dark cold side to her. She lies, manipulates, exaggerates and gaslights and is very secretive and extremely controlling.

I now see my question isn't as simple as I thought. I am thinking her lies and manipulations and gaslighting come from a very dark toxic way to gain a sense of relevance. I think these kind of individuals lack the ability to bond with others, learn to pretend enough to trick people, but can never really bond normally and tend to be jealous of those who can.

The pattern that has been consistent that REALLY came out when she was forced to present an accounting is her need to blame me or want people to see me in a negative light, and that it was not her that did anything bad, but me.

My therapist explained to me that the reason I struggle with this is because I am an empath and I try so hard to empathize even when a person is clearly being so toxic, cruel, and deceptive.

I know everyone lies and makes up excuses for being late for school/work or not getting something done on time or calling in sick when they really just badly need a personal day or claiming to not be there to answer their phone when they just don't want to talk. The lies I am sharing that my sister did are simply not the same.