I sold a drawing. My first commission. That excited me. and she is having me draw another portrait (a repeat customer!). My art has become fertile, virile! I’m so happy and I want to keep this up.

And training at work is going well (but my learning pace is slow and I feel that if I weren’t so not in control of my life I’d be better at retaining the info and studying). One of the managers was in there and saw me doing something on my own while the trainer watched! I think I should have a conversation with management soon about my prospects. Idk how to do that and it freaks me out.

I got my hair cut. That’s a big thing off my checklist. I got an undercut. That amuses me.

I’m exhausted most of the time. I spend a lot of energy trying to maintain the big picture

I don’t often think about my identity. But sometimes I wonder how it shifts and turns. When I “look down” from where I am in life now, it’s like I am looking down from a great height. You know you’re not supposed to look down when you climb up high. Anyway. I did. I haven’t even gotten that far yet but I still feel like some huge shift has happened. I’m still me though I think. I don’t know if I should be afraid of someday not understanding how I got to where I got to. I think my life is random. Sometimes that makes me upset. I’m from no particular place. Sometimes idk how I got here where I am now. Maybe it’s ok. Without it I can’t grow or move. The things I do for me are a learned selfishness. But without it I would lose myself. I would be adrift. I grew up outside of society. And didn’t see myself as part of its rules. All I have is myself. Maybe that’s the best and worst thing.

As an aside, it weirds me out that my hypothetical and most likely never to exist children would have every advantage that I give them. When I had none from my parents except a feeling. Perhaps I am looking too far though.