Hi. So I have this issue going on for some years now, where my mind goes blank and I just can't seem to tell anyone about how I feel and how I think. I just suddenly forget what I wanted to say but I know deep down that it's not fair. Then one day everything blurts out I get really furious, really really furious. But then another day I'm not able to express myself again, and I got really frustrated. Usually, when I'm in a stressful situation where somebody is blaming me, it triggers my suicidal thoughts because of my own hatred of not able to say what I wanted to say.
It only happens when I feel cornered, whether it's in a serious or playful situation. I usually end up feeling guilty to others because of this.

I'm guessing maybe because in the past my sister used to make me listen to her cries and stress every single day for hours but I was given no chance to express to her what I felt. If I told my mom, she'd threaten me by saying she'd kill herself in front of us.

Does that contribute to anything? I have no idea how to handle this.