Those cultural expectations sure don't sound constructive, so I hope you can let those go. The rest of it sounds like a real struggle. You're not a fake for admitting that. Takes character to admit you don't like what you got, you know that?

I'd like to know how you've been doing recently. I think you need to figure out what you want in life and how to get that. Both parts are harder than building self-esteem and it can take years to figure it out, but just mulling it over every once in a while can be of help already.