I am really quite worried for you. You have posted many things that are very distressing to hear about your relationship, then when we point it out and state our concern, you immediately say it's not as bad as you said and your relationship is basically perfect.

I didn't comment on this but I read in your thread about eating disorders where you said that if he found out he would leave you.

I know you don't like blunt but I'm going to be blunt: he is not the healthy person you need to be around to heal. He might love you (to an extent). But if his love stops because you are sick, then he's just sticking with you because you're a cash cow.

I know he often makes you feel good, he often says nice things, but then he reverts to this behavior. AND, you can't even tell him your sick because you are certain he'll leave you?! Yes, as your girl-buddy here, I'm going to go on the record that you can do better. I know you say this stuff doesn't happen all the time but that it happens at all is a problem.

If you had kids and the kids got sick and vomited on the carpet, ruining it, would it be okay for him to make the kid feel ashamed of being sick? No, so why would this be acceptable? And then you aren't allowed to have feelings because it ruins his weekend?

I know you are not interested in leaving him, that's okay. But if he won't go to to couples counseling to work on these communication issues and the very hurtful things he does/says to you, is it really worth it to suffer for...how many more years you are alive? You've read the stories of other women on here (I was going to name names but didn't want to offend them) all talking about spending long marriages with men who behave in not so nice ways to them, exactly as you are describing. I'm not downing on them, they are all strong women who have weathered great storms, but do you want to live with someone like this for the rest of your life?

Work and home feed into each other. You are having struggles at work and your husband, who should be considerate and caring about you, lays into you for having your period, which is simply part of being a woman, and is not your fault?

Let me ask you this: you've said your finances are separate. Who paid for the mattress? I suspect it was you.

Sorry, I don't mean to upset you. I'm genuinely upset on your behalf. If you need a "sister" to rip into him for (as a good sister would) let me at him!