I’m so sorry you are going through this! My husband isn’t the easiest but he is crazy about me and overall very loving. However, a few years ago, and some people around here will remember, my husband and my relationship was so poor that we (well, he) decided to divorce. Pretty much, during that time, he lived in the basement and I lived upstairs. At that time, he was a vile, nasty snake to me. He bullied me and was a constant hate machine. He made me feel so badly about myself. He constantly called me lazy, called me fat, told me I was worthless. You name it, he said it. And sometimes some of that was even around our children. As things slowly got better, it was very hard to forgive and heal. But, they got better and better and better and now our relationship has been restored. He now almost never says those mean things to me. He defends me always in front of the kids. He tells me kind loving things and builds me up. His heart was softened. And really, you know what started a change? I stopped caring. My attitude changed from “I feel like a failure if my marriage ends” to “if my marriage ends, it ends. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t”. It’s the place I genuinely came to. I started ignoring my husband’s comments instead of getting upset over them and most Importantly, I started taking really good care of myself. He saw these things and then wanted it to work. We had a long talk. We set some serious boundaries and we moved forward. We didn’t get therapy and we probably needed to but, we work. My husband does still have a nasty hateful temper towards me (rarely) and my kids (a little more often) and that is inexcusable but he does at least ALWAYS say sorry and admit when he’s wrong. My therapist has told me he needs a therapist to work through his temper as it is deeply imbedded from his childhood but he won’t go. He says he doesn’t need it. In our case, I’m the one with the bipolar, he isn’t. But, I don’t have a temper at all (unless I’m out of my mind manic and that’s a whole other issue but my temper is so rare that my kids, my oldest who’s 12, couldn’t recall).

I know this is a long post and I know that not everyone is able to work things out but I guess I just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to take these behaviors on. It’s hers to bear, not yours and regardless of what she does to you, you can choose to be above it...ignore it even. And, don’t let anyone bully you. If that is your relationship and she refuses to change, then that is a relationship worth letting go of. I hope things get easier for you very soon. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to reach out to me! All my love!