Here's a very simple example of responding vs reacting:

React:
Your child breaks something. You immediately react by getting angry, perhaps yelling, upsetting the child and yourself, worsening your relationship, not making anything better.

Respond:
Your child breaks something. You notice your anger reaction, but pause, take a breath, and consider the situation.

First response is to see if your child is OK — is she hurt, scared? Second, realize that the object that is broken, in the larger view, is not that important. Let it go, adjust to a world without it. Third, help her clean up, make a game of it, show her that mistakes happen and that it’s not something to dwell on. Fourth, calmly talk about how to avoid mistakes like that in the future, and give her a hug.

SO, I am working on taking a deep breaths before I respond with an emotional reaction.

This is a big deal for me. I am trying to undo, or rather rework, years of emotionally reacting. lol. Oh Lordy. But this is GOOD!

I also want to try and notice whenever I am projecting.

I really have my work cut out for me with this thread and these issues. I was almost down about it yesterday because it felt like a huge mountain I must climb.

Then I re-read the list of five things I wrote down that I like about myself, so that I don't feel so negative and down about ALL I have to work on and improve. That list is most helpful. A friend suggested that I create it and read it every day, when I was feeling super depressed last week. What a great idea!