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Bella P · 05:40 PM

I'm from the USA (south/religious chunk), female and 17 years old. I've been having reoccurring dreams about being raped. These dreams have been occurring for the past few years. In most of my rape dreams I'm in a bathroom.

My recent "bathroom rape dream" was me sitting on the toilet and all of a sudden these big men appear out of the closet and open my bathroom door.

Possible trigger:

One of them gets on their knees and forces their genitalia into my mouth. After that's over another guy pulls me off of the toilet and rapes me from behind.

The dream I had last night was that I was in school (I'm graduated now) at a dance when this guy started inappropriately touching and groping me. However, this dream was weird because I'm pretty sure my gender was switching throughout the dream. When I was being inappropriately touched I was a male, but when I was reporting it I was a female, but remembering it as me being a male.

I want to know if my reoccurring rape dreams suggest that I've actually been sexually abused in my waking life and my brain is trying to ease me into the idea before I have a memory of the abuse. The reason I say this is because there is a part of my life that I can't remember. 3rd grade music class has been a blur for me, I remember everything that was before music class and after music class, but never the actual class.

All my brain is letting me remember at the moment is being led to this back room which was used for puppet shows. However, I always remember me going to this room with little to no classmates. It was never a full class, but I can't remember what took place whenever I was in there. Why was I being led to a backroom if the class wasn't with me ?

I also feel like these dreams are trying to tell me I've been sexually abused because within the past few years I've been reflecting on my life and a few inappropriate memories came to light. They are all memories that I excuse as not being harmful. For example a specific person touching me on my private part while they believe I'm asleep. I've excused this memory as them being half asleep themself and not knowing what they were doing. Please let me know if I'm overlooking my dreams or past experiences and making them things they're not.