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I just want these thoughts to go away, without them finding about any of this OCD mess. The OCD has got me in doubt, the intrusive thoughts messed my head up to the point were sometimes I actually believe i'm a pedophile, other times I start to think I am.
I never had thoughts about kids in a graphic in such a manner until november when this started. The OCD started when I thought my mom's friend who had a young son was gonna live with us, and I began to fear I would molest him... and it all began from there. The obsessive checking, the web-blockers, the thoughts, my mental health depleting, everything I liked once began to be ruined because of the things i used to jack off to during the times i watched or listen to the things i liked, I began to avoid kids or look at them for that manner.
I honestly want to know for sure if I am a pedo, I mean I asked pedos if i were one, they i wasn't, i joined mental forums and they said i wasn't, and some people here said I wasn't one. But I feel otherwise...No matter how many times someone tells me, or all the times I checked to if i was one and didnt get erect, or the amount of times i gagged at the thoughts of kids.
The OCD tells me I am a pedophile and enjoys the gross ****, when I obviusly know I don't. I can't what I am anymore as I am not physically aroused by anything. I can't decide if I am a pedo or not. I don't know if I should look at girls my age or not. I don't know anything anymore...
Last edited by bluekoi; Jan 20, 2020 at 08:35 PM.
Reason: Add triggger icon.
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