I'm sorry you're so surrounded by toxicity in your life. You don't deserve that at all. You're awesome just as you are, and you see how much love and support you get from this community. And you never fail to give love and support to others. Not attaining the unattainable is not failure. And everybody is broken who has actually experienced the realities of life. But love heals, and if you need hugs, just ask for them here on PC! You'll get no shortage of them, Fuzzy.