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sarahsweets · Jan 21, 2020, 05:19 AM

Hey @will19

Quote:

Originally Posted by will19

Later on I apologized to him about how I was. I didn't go into details with him on what's going on with me, but I told him that I felt down because of what's going on. He said that I was fine, no worries. Then he said that we don't have control in our lives so we shouldn't feel so down. I agree with him but I've heard that so many times.

I can see how that can seem dismissive but I dont think he was trying to be that way. He doesnt sound to me, like one of those "suck it up buttercup" types of people but with you feeling down it could have hurt your feelings. Or maybe it didnt.

Quote:

I don't know how people like him and others like him do it? Being so up and positive, that nothing bad ever phases them. They may have it worse than I do, but they keep that high positive up. How do they do it? I just can't.

Have you always been pessimistic? Like about everything all the time? Or are you pessimistic because you have a lot going on or are in a situation that is stressful? I think there needs to be a distinction between pessimism- negativity no matter what is going on, long term and almost chronically- and being down, bad situations or stressful things going on. I think if life is truly tough having a negative outlook can be a byproduct of that situation. Its hard to see the positive when things are bad and I do not think someone has to be positive.
I want to clarify that I am a positive person. Honestly through AA and therapy I learned to be positive even when things are horrible. I have had the worst 18 months I have ever had in my life but because I did so much growing- I have been able to not let it take me over and color all aspects of my existence. But that is not easy and I would never hold it against someone because they do not have my outlook. And none of that happened until I was 40. Even sobriety didnt provide me with instant clarity and positivity. I still had to re-learn how to cope and learn skills about acceptance and taking each moment at a time and all that- and it took me 4 years. I can not explain why it clicked when it did. The things that have happened the over the last nearly two years would have broken most people or caused marital problems or in some cases, caused people to relapse or fall apart. I am fortunate but I do not take that for granted. I wish I could explain it better and I am not trying to act like a jerk or imply that I am so great or anything like that. I do not know how to explain how to be positive in the face of hard times. Its perfectly normal and ok if someone has a negative outlook due to hard times. I think as long as you are working on it, over time you may learn or experience ways to change that outlook. Or you may not, but its ok. Are you in therapy? Do you have someone to talk to or share about your issues.
Also I think at work some people just project more confidence or positivity because they are at work and do not want to seem like they are negative or not a team player. Maybe deep down his life is falling apart? No one can know for sure.