I just read a good article about how people use insults to establish pecking order and how the insults reflect insecurities that motivate them.

The article is here: The Psychology of Insults | Psychology Today

Maybe I'm biased because the article reflected the conclusions I just arrived at. I've been thinking about some incidents and insults my older sister has thrown at me and it suddenly occurred to me that no one who feels confident would bother to insult others. Recent things made me think my sister has harbored a lifelong jealousy of me despite our parents favoring her that led to innappropriate behaviors.

One of these was during the first time I played in a piano masterclass, which is where you take turns performing and a teacher gives constructive criticism or instruction so other students can benefit by watching. As soon as the teacher mentioned something I could do differently, my sister started calling out tuants and insults in the middle of class. This is completely unheard of and I can't believe she got away with it.

I've been thinking over this incident lately because the attacks started not long after I resumed practicing music in the hopes of getting a teaching job. And it just occurred to me she must have felt threatened hearing me play in class so when the teacher pointed out room for improvement it made her shout out in sort of triumph. That incident has bothered me for years and the fact that she used to stand next to the piano and cuss me out whenever I practiced.

My sister used to make me feel like a loser by saying that I looked and sounded stupid and everyone hated me. Now that I am older, the insults are starting to boost my confidence because I realize that I am doing well enough to arouse jealousy.