I wish I knew how to make you feel better. It seems like you have an internal dialogue that you use to beat yourself up.

It may not be true that other people are smarter than you. They may just be good at hiding their problems. I'm realizing more and more that people who look smug and popular are actually really miserable and insecure. Nothing can make the problems in your life go away quickly, but is it possible to try to stop blaming yourself? We all make mistakes especially when we are stressed and life is not ideal. From your other posts, I suspected your parents may have some blame in the problems you are having. So it is not entirely your fault you are having a hard time.