I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this. I agree that leaving a therapist can lead to a grieving process. It helped when current T referred to my emotions leaving ex-marriage counselor (for whom I had strong paternal transference) as "grieving a loss." Because it was easy to think "Why am I having more trouble getting over leaving my therapist compared to my grandmother's death?" I probably grieved off and on for a year, being OK for long stretch, then an anniversary or something I associated with him (like the college basketball playoffs) would happen, and I'd feel very sad again. I'd reach out to him periodically, and he always replied in some way.

You mentioned about FT seeming angry with you and wondering if she was hurt. My current T seemed quite harsh to me when I was saying to him back in August that if he couldn't give me what I needed, maybe I needed to find another T who did. He told me it felt like a manipulative thing to say, and "leave or don't leave." This was during an evening when I was in crisis (and he knew that). He also said some other rather harsh things. I met with him a couple more times after that, and he still seemed a bit harsh (saying things how I'd never get what I wanted from a T, and if I did, then it would be an unethical relationship). I terminated, then went back a couple weeks later. I wondered then, and now, in reading what you wrote here, if some of that was his being hurt that I was leaving rather abruptly after seeing him for 2 years, much of it twice a week, and after he'd tried to do so much to help me. If his lashing out was from a place of hurt. Because a while back, he said that what I say and do affects him, how he's not a robot. He's seemed much warmer and more caring since I came back. No lashing out from either of us (I admit I lashed out some over the summer as well).

But anyway, I do wonder if that's what's going on with FT. I forget, did you give much warning about wanting to leave? Or were you just like, "OK, this is my last session"? She may have been hurt and confused. However, that's no excuse for her to act the way she did (or for my T to act the way he did). Her saying not to bother contacting her again--did she phrase it exactly like that? I'm just wondering, because some T's feel it's unethical to continue communicating with a client once they've terminated (aside maybe from an update email, to which the T might just say "thanks for the update"). My T has said it's sort of risky in a way that ex-MC kept replying to me, because, for example, if something happened to me, the emails could suggest he still had some responsibility to me as my therapist. It also could be that FT meant you didn't need to contact her for her sake, as you'd offered a session to let her ask questions.

As for offering a session for MT for his sake, T's aren't supposed to be seeing clients for their sake (aside from financial). I think it would be ethically wrong for him to have you come in again (and pay) in order to have his needs and curiosity met. It should be about serving the client. When I terminated rather abruptly from ex-T who I'd seen for 6 years to try seeing now-current T, I'd said if I decided to switch to him, then I'd eventually come back for a termination session. I never ended up doing that (it was over 2 years ago now). I realized I'd be going to that termination session for her, not for me, so why should I pay to do that? I'm someone who tends to want to take care of people and people-please, so I think it was coming from that side of me. So in not doing that, I was putting myself first.

Not sure if this makes any sense. I'm trying to say that I think your MT is trying to look out for *your* needs, not his. You said you'd do another session if he wanted one. His declining to ask for that is not a rejection of you. It's that he's putting your needs ahead of his. If you actually feel you *do* want another session, for whatever reason, then just ask for one. Hope this helped in some way...