Hi Everyone, meeting with Pastor T was weird yesterday. I had told him that I was feeling nothing--devoid of emotions--at the time of the appointment. I think because I had been having so many intense emotions that I was totally drained of having emotions. He seemed to tread very lightly. He kept asking me if I wanted to stop for the night, etc. I know he has a fear of "pushing me over the edge" but it was like, I had barely gotten there, so I sort of felt unwanted. He gave me several positive comments at the end of our time together regarding the strengths that I have that I cannot see yet. He asked me if I felt up to setting some goals for next week, or if I just needed to get through this week. I went ahead and set three goals--hopefully manageable ones. He told me that I need to rely more on other people. I keep too much in my head. I don't reach out enough. It's hard for me to do that. I try but I can't. I don't think I really got across to him how it is when I am in a very heightened emotional state and I want to SH. . He told me that self-destructive wasn't an emotion. (I'm supposed to be working on making an emotions list.) I said yes it is, I can say, I feel self destructive. He says he thinks that is anxiety. I'm not so sure. It's like an all consuming, how to keep myself still standing sort of emotion. He asked me if I had SH-ed. I told him that I hadn't. I had thought about it a lot and sui. He asked me to work on the visualization and to call people, not just text them, when I'm feeling bad. I still don't really get what I'm supposed to say. I mean, it seems like a lot to put on someone--like to say, I'm feeling like cutting. What is someone supposed to say to that? IDK. I told him that for a time when I was at home over the weekend, I put a blanket over my head and I was just trying to block out all the sensory stuff going on and he said that he didn't think that was healthy. Of course, he thinks reaching out to someone else is healthier at that moment. I know it sounds weird, but it's sort of comforting to do that. I'm sad today. And I feel self-destructive. He would say it's anxiety. But this doesn't seem like anxiety to me. HUGS to all who want them, Kit