you are ashamed because he is a drunk and angry because you show love to your son? did I get that right?

if so, then I am confused. going back to this guy and allowing him co troll over your life is just repeating the cycle of abuse and u healthy relationship. you are an adult and have the ability to opt out. since there is a child involved personally I would take whatever action is for the best of my child, but I am not you. you need to weight the decision carefully....the relationship with this man or your son, which one is of more value to you at this point. nothing to be ashamed of, because ultimately it is indeed your call, but you need to make one. no waffling, it isn't fair to either the boyfriend or the son.