Thanks for input. As for self blame you are right. It seems I have a hard time just telling myself I made mistakes, learn and move on. I am too anxious to tell my parents about being late they would be more upset with me. Or even tell them i was told by my boss about doing something about being late. My dad has been a really hard worker and expects his kids to be. I have been most of my life. I have dreaded going to work but not with the thinking I can't do it. And went to work on time etc. I can only tell myself that i have made my work in my mind so stressful because when starting the current job having to multitask different departments and sensitive to a worker being what I take as getting on me about things when I was being helpful. Add other things being late worried about what others thought about. no one said anything and I explained to my boss. I would force and get to work at times. And then fall back and be late. I would like tell myself the good to motivate me to go to work. The thought i have to, money, etc seems as it is not enough. My feelings my life is so bad and hard over seems to make keep doing what I'm doing is what can think of.. Most people learn from mistakes not let them happen again. I tell myself you have done the worst. By making it harder and find it not getting easier. It is in my mind all the time, and tell myself you can learn and move on. It seems I see everything as so wrong in every way. Which I have a hard time to focus on what's good to overcome the bad. So I have going on in my head.