I am sad that my husband had to return to work after the holiday weekend. I'm feeling immediately lonely. I see my therapist today, but I haven't been that eager to see her. I don't dislike her, I just feel she hasn't sparked much in me, during a lackluster period. The relationship feels a little stale.


There is a lot I want to do before May. I wish I had the spark to delve into these things. I'll mention that to my therapist and see what she says. I've mentioned that spring is often my "upswing" time. I don't want to have to rely on upswings to get stuff done. Our plans for May have the makings of a very high one. I need to prepare for that, accordingly.


Yesterday at the store was probably the fifth time in recent years that a local resident asked if I was British. That surprises me because I don't think I sound British at all. Plus, I'm likely more of a local than all of the people who've said that. I couldn't be more central NJ if I tried. I'll admit that where I grew up was on the PA border, but I've lived a little further to the east for over 20 years now. I wonder if my European husband's accent has worn off on me a bit. I wouldn't say that his English sounds British, but his original English studies were British (not American) English. It's odd, my husband's accent doesn't sound much at all like when his family speaks English. Not like his friend's accent (whose lived in central NJ even longer), and definitely not like Ivana Trump's (another Czech), either. Yesterday kind of triggered me in a mild way. I've started to feel like a stranger in my own land. The thought of moving to Europe makes me feel I'll be a stranger there.


Add on: My brother just called and asked if he can visit me today. I have therapy, so told him it had to be early and shorter than usual. Truth is, I don't want to see or talk to anyone in my family other than my husband. I've been avoiding them. I'm avoiding everyone.