I haven't experienced what you are - but you certainly aren't the only one who has thought they are totally crazy - I hit that point because I dissociate, along with having PTSD. I actually told my therapist that I felt like how I imagine a sociopath would feel, if that sociopath also had DID. (Which I don't have.) She laughed, and that was a good thing. Have you given any thought to the possibility that you might be experiencing more than CPTSD? You mentioned "flashbacks with psychosis", but also mentioned that you haven't told any of your treatment providers about what you are experiencing. I totally understand why you are holding back from telling them, but....is that (not telling) helping you, or hurting you, at this point? Is there maybe a way you can bring up that you are hiding something from them, without getting into exactly what, so that they can help you get to a point where you CAN bring up the specifics? And by the way, YAY YOU - for sharing something that is so scary for you to share. I'm sorry these episodes make you feel ashamed. I hope you find a way to ease up on yourself a little. THAT, at least, is possible to do.