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I hate myself
The thing is... yes... perhaps you are struggling with some thoughts that are like what pedophiles have. But having the thoughts you're struggling with doesn't make you a pedophile. You won't be a pedophile unless or until you actually act on some of the thoughts. Barring that, your thoughts are just thoughts. They're disturbing to you. And that's certainly understandable. But they're still just thoughts... nothing more.
You wrote you honestly want to know for sure if you're a pedophile. Well... right now, unless there's more to this than you've mentioned in your posts, you're not a pedophile. You haven't
done anything. Do the thoughts you're struggling with mean you have the potential to become a pedophile? I can't tell you that. But what I can tell you is that continuing to struggle with this alone is, to my mind, a prescription for ongoing despair.
I myself have not had to struggle with the specific kinds of thoughts you're struggling with. But I have my own story... much of which I've never disclosed here on PC or anywhere else. During much of my life there was no help for people who had human sexuality issues. So I simply stumbled along doing what I felt compelled to do. And it was it's own kind of miniature hell. Things aren't perfect today either. But there's a lot more help out there now than there ever has been in the history of the world. So I hope that, in some way, you can find the inner strength to reach out in real life for help.
You can win the battle you are fighting. You can come out the other side stronger & wiser. And eventually, perhaps, you can even find a way reach out & help others who are having similar struggles. For many, many years I thought I was the only person in the history of the world who had struggled with the kinds of things I struggled with. But one thing I have learned is there are many others out there who have had struggles similar to mine. And there are, & will continue to be, many others who will struggle with thoughts similar to yours. You can become a beacon of hope for them. But first you have to survive & find a way to heal in order to be able to do so. I know you can.