My first thought is something I keep telling myself a lot - baby steps. Hold onto the belief that the treatment you are undergoing MIGHT help. Hopefully WILL help.


My CPTSD treatment got cut short very early on, due to complicating factors that had to be dealt with before I can fully participate in that therapy - but I can say, I was able to see huge results fairly quickly. So to answer your question - "healing the trauma", to me, was getting to where I could remember traumatic events that happened, without the huge emotional charge that always came with it prior to treatment.


Which brings me to your next concern - that "fixing" the PTSD won't be enough to fully heal you. I'm proof that it might not. I have other issues, as well as CPTSD. BUT - that does NOT mean that your going thru therapy for it won't fix you - or won't, at least, help you to better than are today, better than you were yesterday.


I hope I'm not making things worse for you. Given what you said about sort of being kicked out of treatment before, I can see where fears about it happening again, or ending too soon, could be totally justifiable fears for you. Have you talked about your fears with your therapist yet?

Can you flip your mindset around, regarding your concerns that you don't know who / what you are without anxiety or depression? Think instead about how interesting and maybe even exciting it might be, to find out?


And finally, your question about can trauma be healed at all? When I first started learning about PTSD, I was taught that the answer was no. That it caused permanent changes in the brain that couldn't be reversed. Basically, a "learn to live with it" situation. That was several years ago. Based on my own experiences with therapy specifically geared to PTSD - I now believe the exact opposite. So, just my own personal opinion, but yes, I do believe trauma can be healed. I hope you get to that point someday yourself, in believing it, in living it.