I'm either in a rut again or I've been in the same rut for the past decade; with brief intermissions of happiness. I say I'm 80% sad, 10% meh, and 10% happy. I just have no dreams of my own, I was never allowed to dream or set my own goals. I've done what I was "suppose" to do my entire life. I've always felt like the black sheep.

I have a pretty easy life; I know I do. Just from hearing my coworkers talk about their life's its obvious my life is less hectic. I guess I just can't cope like most people. I'm a hard worker, but slow to learn. I have completley loss my backbone and avoid confrontation like it's the plague. I take the meds my psychiatrist prescribes, but they don't make me feel happy. I just feel numb and empty inside. Instead of suicidal and hopeless. At least most the time.

I'm just not happy with what I am, but lack the courage to change. I've grown comfortable and lazy. Even though I'm aware of this, I have no desire to put the effort forth to change. Nothing seems to click....