Hi Brindle, and welcome to the forums! Yaowen is right - you're not alone. There are indeed many reasons why people sabotage their relationships, and yes, it's a big thing for those of us with BPD. Relationships can sometimes be hard work, and so sometimes I push people away because I don't have the energy to do the work. Or I think they are going to leave me eventually anyway (because fear of abandonment is a big part of BPD too) - so I'll leave them before they leave me. Or before they can hurt me. Or because they have gotten to know me too well, and I'm not comfortable with me, so now I'm not comfortable with THEM knowing ME. Or before, or because, or, or or. But here's the thing - it doesn't have to be this way for you always, and forever. Patterns can be changed, habits can be broken. My therapist was shocked to find out I've been married 17 years now.