i feel that everything that i've used to fill the void is not working...no one, nothing can fill that void, what is the deal with the theraputic relationship?...aargg but I cannot trash it because its whats keeping me alive...but t's not here and this time I know it i've not been able to rub the lamp nor get the genie to appear....oh t will love these tales when she returns,...i see her sitting with a confident grin thinking, aha at last she feels the abandoment depression the narcissitc cover has been hiding...but that feeling that nothing, no one can fill that hole...whats left to hold onto....keep talkinga dn talking and getting into debates and then realise I dont know what the %#@&#! i'nm talking about it s all the people in me working on their own...t says email if I want...i dont want too....whats the point...t will reply and be as genuine and caring as normal but somehow even that dont do it.....what does it? oh the knowledge one is not immortal...is all this been an attempt to starve of imortality?...now i know I will die what the %#@&#! do i need a relatinship for?....stupid games humans play and then they wake up and see its all crap...the more I come out teh more I go in....hi T, yeah your pretty cool but hey, even you dont do it....