I am forever talking to myself. Now that I don't live around my husband & refuse to talk to him on the phone (email is the only thing I will allow), it became too quiet (even with the radio on).

I have my 7 doggies around me so I talk to them all the time......so I don't feel quite so crazy. It's when I get frustrated with something that I really seem to talk to myself.

Frustration is what gets to me however. The other week, I had gone out to lunch with a friend. I had my calender with me & it had some of my bills I had to pay stuck in it. When I got home that day, I dumped everything on the kitchen island & went to bed as I hadn't had been to sleep in a few days. I had so many things going on that I had to take care of, I was going to take care of the bills that weekend. It was a couple of days before I looked for my calender.....& it wasn't where I laid everything when I came in. So the search went on. All around the house, my truck.....maybe it fell under the seat. I know I had it. I thought I took a letter out of it on the way home that day to mail.....so why isn't my calender anywhere to be found? I searched the house completely.....maybe it had fallen out of the truck.....but I had't been anywhere for that to happen. Having things turn up missing is a huge trigger for me especially after dealing with that home care person with my Mother. I felt myself going into a panic & started screaming at the top of my lungs...."why is this happening to me????" Stop it!!!!! Comeon, this isn't funny!!!!! I remembered looking at the calender when I was in my friends car, so I was praying that it really was in her car & that it would be found, but there was that little haunting message that kept telling me that it was completely lost. I had left a message with my friend but hadn't been able to find out if it was there. Finally, I drove over there & sure enough.....I had not picked in up from her car when I picked up everything else & she found it on the floor of her car. The sigh of relief rated some talking to myself also....."see, you didn't need to react like that......everything is usually alright in the end....you realy do overreact!!!!!.

My best one was the other day however....."I hate water!!!!! I really hate water!!!!! Why is everything falling apart????? I really don't have time for this!" Then last night I found out that the situation is even more serious than I thought. I have a leak somewhere....maybe my upstairs shower that I am continually taking hot showers in.....but there is a huge puddle of water that keeps showing up on the basement floor. I can trace it down from the kitchen, but there aren't any water pipes there. I was in the backporch last night in my kitchen & pulled at the wall paper (I am going to replace it anyway). It just pulled off & the wall felt wet underneath it. Then I looked up & there was this horrible looking black moldy stuff on the upper part of the wall. I had just cleaned that wall about 1 month ago & it wasn't like that, so I don't know where it's coming from.

Most of the time, I am able to talk calmly to myself, but lately, when I get frustrated at myself & then everything is falling apart on top of that, I just stand there stomping my feet & saying "this can't be happening to me!!!!! Why are you doing this to me?????" Mind you, I am sure I am yelling at the house.....it's the only one that can be doing this in the house....I do the other stupid things, but I will yell at my house for being mean!!!!!

It's hard when you are used to having someone to talk to...I have always talked even when my husband refuses to communicate.....I would tell him EVERYTHING & he would tell me NOTHING. So now that I would talk to him on the phone & I haven't emailed him any information about anything that doesn't have anything to do with him...all of a sudden, I get an email saying he hasn't heard from me lately & am I purposfully not telling him about my laptop computer & what was wrong with it when he askes me about it? Gee, do you think it might be purposful????? I mean, he didn't bother telling me the California property taxes were due until last week & then he never bothered sending me the bill......but he's supposed to hear from me.

I prefer talking to myself than talking to that jerk but mostly, I talk to my doggies.

Debbie