and really, i think that (this is a bit Eastern) we do "die" to ourselves each time we get a new understanding because the old self cannot exist with the new. we have to release the old to hold the new. there is not room for both. this is why we can't go back when we want to stop going forward. we can try, but we can't fit in the old any more. and like any death, even the "dying to the new" hurts and causes us some fear and grief. but if we can get into that patter and understand that it is only temperary, the pain will not be as great nor last as long.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
kiya