@Bill3 had a good idea.

In addition to that, once I wrote out ALL things that an ex did that meant I shouldn't be with him -- everything he did that upset me, that disappointed me, that made me feel like I should walk away -- and I carried that list around with me in my wallet and referred to it each time I thought I would go back. It worked. I even wrote down all the times he called me nasty names, and included the nasty words in my list of negatives.

You have labelled this man as a sociopath and a narcissist.

I am wondering if you personally feel defeated by walking away from him? Like YOU lost the battle? As though YOU somehow couldn't make it work? Do you feel responsible for making this relationship work? It seems you carry that on your shoulders.

Remember that it's HIM. He is an alcoholic and a narcissist. You cannot change those things.