I need to get my conscious out. So I have posted several posts on here. I am making my life fall apart. I could go into a lot of details. I keep telling myself that I since i am letting my life fall apart i may as well let it keep going. I truely scare my self because things are not working out like i wanted. I truely dont take care of myself bathing very rarely. Which adds to well what is more that i am beyond saving myself since i have let things so far out of what i recognise. I have a job that I get really stressed out about. Being late (stress) has added to it. I feel like such a failure that i see people i know shopping where i work and tell myself they are smart enough to not do things that really have screwed their life up as bad as me. I tell myself that i am only doing because my parents want me to since I am living with them. I don't trust myself to live on my own for fear I may not keep going to work. It all started when I quit my last job not going due to my being overwhelmed feeling I couldn't do it. I messed up a job I knew well, and got up for work on time took care of things in life everyone does. I know it sounds really dumb to others probably. I just can win with myself. I am close to losing a job from being late too many times. I have had to have my parents tell me to get to work, and this added stress to myself. I have made it work on my own, and still late a lot. I feel guilt because my parents havent had to wake me up, but still late. Seems that there is a part of me so evil, that is winning. I have a lot of telling myself what is he use, and cave to it. I tell myself i am scared to hit a rock bottom. Which would most likely or I think homelessness. You'd think that would scare the heck out of someone to fricken do what it takes to do things right. I feel im ruled by my thoughts and feelings by my overwhelmed life and slowly giving in. It is getting to be too much, and feel i dont have the strength to just keep going.