Hi DeanLee,

I am so sorry things are so painful for you. Your feelings seem very understandable to me. Wish I could offer some advice but I don't why people's brains choose one thing rather than another. It is a total mystery to me why people do the things they do and often I don't even understand why I do things. I sure hope things work for you so you can be happy and at peace again. You deserve that!

- Yaowen