I was told by the family of origin that I should be grateful to them. I cannot honestly say that I was treated by them with respect, kindness, generosity, empathy or sweetness. I was the ''bad'' person who deserved to be rejected. That is the repeated message I received from them. That I gave them no pleasure so did not deserve to …. basically that... ah it doesn't even matter

While I try to practice gratitude, I don't feel grateful towards those who projected things and labels like ''selfish'' onto me.

This would apparently make me a ''bad'' person. So my programming by default would once again ''encourage'' me to be silent.

I have not found a therapist who wanted to listen and offer understanding and respect.

Maybe this too means I am ''a bad person'' …