Hope, somehow you will find more peace in life if you can develop a bit more patience. You've done this a few times over the years: sent an email or left a message or spoke to someone about something, and when they didn't respond fast enough in your eyes, you cancelled everything, then begged to come back, then were sure they hate you, etc.

My guess is that you are on the cancellation list, but they generally don't contact you to let you know they did what you asked. They just do it and will contact you if an opening occurs and they have an appointment time available for you.

Patience.

This happened not because of the rudeness, but because you have a pattern of finding reasons to cancel. It's understandable that push-pull of needing support but being scared to accept support or scared to talk about whatever issues are bothering us. But people do have their limits to their own patience, particularly office workers. They aren't therapists. And clients who request something, then get angry when they office staff can't quickly fill that request, then get angry and cancel after they've gone to the trouble to try to meet your request, and beg for forgiveness for being inconsistent about what you want, etc. will eventually manage to get on their nerves. They are human. Busy humans.

Slow yourself down. Request to be on the cancellation list. And then stop. They will contact you if and when an opening is available. They aren't not contacting you because they are trying to make your life difficult or because they don't like you or something. They simply are waiting until and when something comes available and will contact you then. Yes, we want it to happen faster, but they can't make it happen faster.