Hi all, so I put a post on here four years ago now about how I wanted to run away and apparently I haven't moved forward at all.

My mother has bipolar disorder and I have been taking care of her since I was about 16. I never went to college because of this, I never moved out ect. I have been doing alot of thinking lately because she's going through a really bad patch (TW: suicidal, ect.). Even when she is at her best, I do all the cooking, cleaning, and work about 45 hours a week. She goes to all her counseling appointments and takes her pills, she works, but she doesn't do anything else. ever. And I just don't really feel like she's getting better at all, were in exactly the same place we were when I was 16.

I mean she has times when she's happier, but she's never really happy, or stable.
I live in terror of seeing her, because I have no idea what mood she will be in. She doesn't hurt me not physically, mentally, or emotionally.

I have depression, and anxiety from my abusive father (she had an abusive husband and mother), I just feel like I am giving up my life for her. I have been doing this for 8 years now, women in my family tend to live to their 90s, thats forty more years. When I am not there, she forgets to eat, she calls me crying at least three times a week ( I live in terror of phone calls).

She says she is often suicidal, that the only reason she doesn't kill herself most of the time is because of me. I feel like if I leave then I am basically choosing to let her die, however I cannot live like this any longer, I want to go to college, I want to have a life, my own place and be able to come home and actually relax instead of having a panic attack when the door opens downstairs.

Would it be wrong for me to move out, within the next year, even though I know she isn't really and isn't likely to become stable?