Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
You have a right to feel betrayed and hurt.
I think your wife has done something behind your back. She exchanged pics and developed feelings, then decided to tell you and ask you if she could make out with this woman.
How would you feel if this were a male that she claimed to have feelings for? Exchanging pics and texting, and now wanted to reach out to again?
Sounds like your marriage may have some trouble already if you don't feel loved. I don't think it would be controlling HER, I think saying "no" would be in an effort to save your marriage. And it seems like it's in trouble.
The problem here is that she's already kind of strayed and betrayed you. So either you allow this and allow her to have feelings for this woman, or you don't and you tell her that you want it to just be the two of you, if that's what you want. Seems she prefers something more open though? An open marriage of sorts? Is that what you want?
|
Thanks for the reply. I do feel the same as if it was a guy and that there's already been some betrayal. I also, back when she asked me about it 6 mo ago, had to say no over 3 weeks, repeatedly about her trying "friendship" with her. I told her at the time it was harder to say no than just giving in and that, like you said, I was doing it for the good and health of our marriage. I still feel that way. She says she doesn't have some kind of mind eraser where she can just stop thinking about her and that she has been over the last 6 months. I never said that but would assume she was making an effort to let it go. I mean they had known each other for 3 weeks literally.
I told her I'm not doing an open marriage. And she seems to say she doesn't want one either yet pushes this again, as if it will just be friendship. That she needs a life outside of me she says. Which yes that's good but not with the one person you crossed boundaries with. I think the marriage does have problems and this is on top of it all.
Last night I tried talking about it and she just said it's fine, we'll pretend like we never talked about it and went back to watching videos on her phone. Like I just felt pushed aside like I was originally being in the first place. I might just be in denial about the condition of our marriage in general. I feel like if you loved someone you'd make the effort to move on and she'd be apologizing about it and trying to reassure me of her feelings and love for me.
I may look into couples counseling. I started my own therapy after this situation arose and she's done nothing. I thought it was done. I'm so frustrated with this I just want to leave and be alone.