I need to lay this sitation out and get feedback to see if what I'm feeling is rational or if I'm just off base, feeling insecure, or trying to control my wife. This situation triggers something for me and I am not sure what to do.

My wife and I were in the car together tonight and she brought up reaching out to a female friend that she's had a brief "connection" with about 6 months ago.

This is someone she'd found online and reached out to for friendship. It happened to be that one of the similar interests, and that was a specific kink within the kink community. It was something my wife and I had started together a couple months ago and involved a role playing of sorts. This woman played a similar role in her marriage as my wife.

So they began communicating and developed a friendship. They texted each other and my wife seemed to be getting really happy with this person. Which, at the time I was excited too for her. They met once and my wife seemed pretty happy and I didn't really think anything beyond being happy for her. My wife had mentioned that she found her attractive a few times which, I didn't think anything of in terms of thinking she wanted more than friendship. I know my wife had dated women in the past.

Well a week or so went by and I began having a bad feeling about it, wondering if I was being naive and there was more going on. So I asked if she had feelings for this woman and she said yes, and asked if she could "at least make out with her." All of this caught me by complete surprise. It's not like we see other people in our marriage or have even talked about that, I maybe wrongly assumed it was unterstood based on where I thought we both stood.

I found out in the conversation that they had talked about being intimate, pictures had been exchanged, but there would never be anything without talking to me first... I was hurt by the situation and caught off guard. I'd expected her to say no about having feelings I guess. After going back and forth I felt like it was best if they just didn't talk anymore. My wife wanted to try to continue a frienship but, I never saw how that could work if there were feelings. They had known each other for about 2-3 weeks total, and already it was like our marriage had been risked and it seemed they were much closer than I felt comfortable with. The other couple is polyamorous and I feel like it was leading to them getting together.

Which brings me to now about 6 months later and this is coming up again. She says she's been wanting to reach out again because they had a connection. It seems like after our conversation about it tonight, she may or may not reach out regardless of how I feel. I still have reservations about it but feel like, maybe I'm not being supportive of her having other friends as she says sometimes. But this is literally the only time I've taken issue.. I've never hinted at mistrust with her and any of her coworkers or female friends.

I feel like as a partner in this marriage I have the right to feel this way. I am just having a lot of doubts right now. I don't feel loved on top of this and this being pushed again, with my feelings just kind of set aside, only confirms this feeling that I have been trying to not pay attention to. That I feel alone in my marriage. Maybe I'm overreacting but I don't think I am.