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Anonymous46341
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Default Jan 24, 2020 at 12:28 PM
 
I think Blueberry21's advice is right on the money. You will need to make a decision about the option. Though I can't know exactly what's going on between you and your therapist, option A might be worth exploring before just running away, but only you know. I will say that option A should NOT be regarded as a means of potentially starting a romantic relationship with him. It should rather allow the processing of transference (and possible countertransference) to be done in a helpful and therapeutic way, tools to guide you out of the transference and ultimately resolve issues. If you read a lot about both, you'll see that most therapists see transference as helpful more than harmful.

My guess is that your therapist was very truthful when he said he was attracted to you. He was likely very honest when he said he remembered you well. However, that doesn't mean he wants a romantic relationship with you. Or if he wished he could, he certainly should not act on it. I think you are likely an attractive woman. Obviously, I don't know what you look like, but beauty is far more than the superficial definition. And even most people are far more superficially attractive than they allow themselves to think. The thing is, you formed a connection with this therapist. You let down your guard. He saw the real you and the real you is attractive. The goal, I think, is for you to more fully recognize that and be able to show it more easily with others in your life. Not your just your therapist, but others. When you feel more comfortable doing that, this transference love (erotic transference) will ease/fade. Though you obviously admire this therapist, I doubt that you really want HIM. You just want how you feel around him, and there's nothing wrong with that.

As an aside, though 30 years older is a huge age gap, I'm not totally against couples with huge age gaps. My psychiatrist is 26 or so years older than me, and I can still utterly adore and be attracted to him. Even my husband is 13 years older than me. I don't see that as a problem, especially since other factors didn't complicate our relationship (kids from other marriages, etc.)
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Thanks for this!
Blueberry21, Mismatch