I felt like I didn't belong since my substance abuse problem grew worse than MI. But now I'm actually basically off drugs, haven't sworn off LSD, but I don't think it really counts as it hasn't caused any troubles, the opposite actually. But I don't feel at all like tripping so I won't for a long time.

My main drugs (daily either one of them) have been Tramadol or buprenorphine. Been doing them IDK 3 years. I have no idea when I started or how it even happened.

I still love opioids. I shan't lie. But the comedowns are really harsh these days. And I ain't young. So yea, I finally kicked the habit for real. It feels like half my country is on Tramadol, it's a dirt cheap drug and that's why it's popular. After I entered the world of drugs (done other types of drugs on and off before but not at this level at least not for that long), I noticed lot of people I actually know a bit are hooked on Tramadol.

I've felt the need to quit prior and I actually did, but in retrospect I still had too much cravings for it to be successful. After the last comedown off bup, man... I'd rather never make myself that sick again.

Next goal after making my body feel better... try to restore my damaged dopamine system. Grumpy as hell and nothing is fun. But I'll work on that. Spring is coming!!!!!! Being in nature sure will heal me. (Also I got a dawg! She is damaged goods but in different ways than me. But means now I will have to go outside and not sit inside for like 2 weeks that happened in the past. It's just outside, not meeting people or other dogs, just out in the outdoors. Shame on me but I bought the dog being high. But luck was on my side there. She is what I needed and I am what she needed. And she is a lovely dog.)

Wish me well on my new opioid free life. The only thing that worries me is that I do fantastic creative writing while on Tramadol. I will totally miss that. I did some really cool stuff years before on an RC benzo but I can't mess with that stuff either. LSD is not leading me anywhere when it comes to writing. I might have to hut down everything creative until I refind the spark.