I got DRUNK again Monday. But I don't really know if that is what the issue is. When I started drinking, I was in a fairly good mood and although I have been having a lot of personal and marital problems, I thought I was OK. Just wanted to drink- I drink 'Cause I like to -- I think.
I ended up getting on the phone, like I do so many times when I drink , but I was talking and I noticed there were tears running down my face. It surprized me. I was talking about how right that minute I felt like I wanted to die. But I have no pills left - other than the recent prescriptions. I threw what was left out the last time I took an overdose. I don't think I really wanted to die - I just felt like I wanted to die. Does that make sense?
I read something on this site the other day about alcohol being a depressant. Now I have herd this many times - but the papers on this site really explained it well. I thought I drank to fell better - but I think I drink to not feel.
I have tried AA for about 15 years and have had several periods of sobriety and then recently, I have read about Rational Recovery and I like It better.
But this is not a drinking site -- but I was wondering..... Are there people out there that drink - even thought they are on meds, to self medicate??? I have cut way down lately but am still doing about 2 drunks a week - sometimes only one. I was drinking almost everyday.
Does the Bipolar/Schizo make it harder to not drink? Or does the drinking make the bipolar/schoizo worse???
Drinking does me no good -- the first few are wonderful - but I know before I start that the darkeness will come. Sometimes the voices, sometimes the suicidal actions or at least the thinking. But yet I still do it.
Any thoughts???
Gabby