This morning I went to meet a potential new T after terminating with my old T a few weeks ago due to him being extremely unsupportive and causing me a lot of hurt and pain with the way he acted.
I was feeling quite hopeful and optimistic about this new T but have left feeling utterly devastated and like there is nobody who wants to help me. I’m based in the UK and after explaining my circumstances she told me that I was too complex for private therapy and any ethical therapist should refuse to treat me. She said that I needed to get help through the NHS where there is a multi disciplinary support as private therapy would be too destabilising for me and too risky as I have suicidal thoughts. I had already explained that I had had horrific previous experience with the NHS and medical professionals which had left me traumatised and getting help from the NHS was not an option for me but she still continued to tell me that private therapists would not be able to treat me.
I feel completely devastated and like nobody wants to help me. Asking for help is something that is a huge challenge for me so to take that risk once again and be rejected once again had left me wondering what is even the point is trying to get help. I have no idea where to go from here.
I miss my old T so much and although I know he is not the right person to work with, now I am beginning to think I should have just stuck with him.
I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m untreatable and nobody wants to even attempt to work with me.
I’m hurting so badly and I can’t cope with it.