I'm so sorry that your H isn't giving you what you need. Actually like the opposite. I don't think our spouses/partners need to understand trauma therapy or therapy in general. I DO think that they shouldn't foist their personal **** on us when we're struggling, especially in the guise of being helpful. He needs to deal with his own stuff. He's angry? Ok. Deal with it (but not in like the angry teenager way of hurling doors). My H has done something similar, gotten angry or frustrated when really what I wanted so desperately was calm or soothing or validation. He thought he was being protective or helpful or something, but it felt very threatening. And I felt like I needed to help with his reaction too.

Oh, and your H's entire gendered idea of how women should behave? Uh WHAT?!? I don't think that wearing pink or whatever gendered stereotype is ever a metric of mental health. So maybe that merits a discussion whenever you feel well? You sound like you're doing such good work, such brave work! And I'm sorry your H doesn't sound like he quite gets it.

And just a by the way, I thought I was the only one who struggled with affirmations!! I was supposed to work with self-compassion (my therapist works a lot with mindfulness and meditation), but I just. could. not. do. it. The whole self-compassion thing made me literally want to punch myself and vomit. And honestly, I'm not like a violent person. And yeah...unfortunately, I know where the punching thing stems from, but knowing doesn't solve anything, right? I can't make myself talk to myself like a young child or my best friend. Ugh. Nauseating. Anyway, hope things are better.