Yes! I am typically not violent but the affirmations push the buttons of me around 13 and I can get very violent towards others and myself. I don’t think H has any idea what extreme rage can inable a poorly inhibited 13 year old in survival mode to do! I think letting him see a picture of me at that age didn’t help... my mother made sure I always looked perfect and girly, little foo foo dress with ruffles, perfect hair and just the right smile...
TBH I don’t even need emotional support from him (don’t get me wrong it would be really nice but...) if he just wanted to stay out of the therapy process that would be fine. I get it, it is trauma, not everyone can handle it. But yes, having to field his anger makes things worse. Today is a sad day of subtle setbacks.
Monday I think I am going to have to tell T no for the first time. We have a beginning ritual every session that I am usually OK with. As set off as I am right now I think I am going to need a break from it. I know T will be OK with it (confused, scared and sad but OK). But with H screaming at me (that he wasn’t angry at me) is going to make it 100 times harder to sheepishly tell T no.

I am very fortunate/thankful that I have a T that practices what he teaches. He even showed me the picture of himself that he uses when affirming his inner child and the things he tells him. He has even shared some of the times it has been especially hard for him and that it still takes work for him to do it. So he gets that it is hard. He does not quite get why it is so triggering for me (along with the other times I have triggered). He is so very cautious around anything trauma but I can talk about that all day long. My triggers lie elsewhere... usually in this little 13 year old and her very threatened existence.