I read my medical report from 2 years ago: depressive symptoms without meeting the criteria for a depressive episode. I usually got anxious-agitated depression, I felt really sad, I felt I shouldn't be alive, but I could't sleep, cannot rest, end up studying a lot and becoming extremelly irritable to the point of wanting to kill everyone (I was IP many times for few days while in that mental state, but they didnt diagnose me with anything. I was given depakine which took me out of that state but made me feel like a zombie, so I stopped taking It after a week). A year ago I had a normal depressive episode.

Rigth now and since many weeks, I feel full of energy, thoughts and feelings. I feel I can run forever, but after so many weeks I am starting to feel tired and irritable while I cannot rest. I do not feel depressed, I feel as if I had taken meth. If you looked at me rigth now, you would think I am normal. I am not doing anything crazy. I do not look ill. I have managed to sleep by taking xanax and prazosin and I feel less agitated that a couples of days ago. Still, I feel this highness is not normal, my body is screaming for rest.

I do not know what to think. I am not doing anything crazy or severe. I look normal, I am working, my professors are happy with me , my coworkers too (They have told me I look a bit high and have asked me to speak not so fast, but it was a "dude I want to take the same thing you do lolz").



I have an appointment with my therapist in a week and half. I plan to tell him all of these but I am worry he will think I am faking it. I mean, I doubt it is severe enough to be bipolar, I am more likely just cyclothimic or anxiety. I went to a new pdoc at the end of december but it ended up pretty bad. I