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Well...all I can say is that I generally feel the same way you've described. I have expressed doubts about my BP dx many, many times. I've told my pdoc that while I do get "high" (emotionally), the euphoria turns to irritability-to-anger and easily slips into rage - I am not one to do "reckless" things. I have a history of being responsible and reliable, not reckless.
No one would know right off that I'm experiencing mania; depression...maybe, but probably not. I have some beliefs I can't quite keep straight, pdoc says they're paranoia. Whether those beliefs are paranoia or PTSD...?? Who knows.
I constantly question the information I've given to my pdoc. Maybe she misunderstood me, maybe I didn't explain well, maybe this, or maybe it's that.
When all is said and done my dx is BP1, but my pdoc is always quick to remind me that I also have CPTSD from traumas that occurred between ages 5 and 51.
Perhaps it's what I frequently hear - that it isn't so much about the diagnosis, but more about which treatment works.
Oh - something else I'll mention. In your original post, what you've described could be a mixed state. Not fun.
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