Thanks guys,

When I was diagnosed 10 years ago I feel it was the right choice (eventually).... I mean I finally had a name to what was going on. I was on antidepressants (Prozac first then Mirtazipine and finally Citalopram) from Oct 2009-Oct 2010. The GP's and Psychiatrist told me I couldn't take any more antidepressants as they made me severely manic. So once I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 1 it was a mood stabilizer and an anti psychotic. I'm what my team call a non compliant of meds. I really struggle taking them. I managed 188 days on my meds before I stopped in Nov that was roughly mid May until mid Nov. That's a record for me if I'm honest.

I've always questioned whether i have it or not. Sure i can be super manic and hyper and act a little crazy but aren't we all to a point.

I'm still keeping my appointments weekly since I stopped my meds I've seen my CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) twice, my Community Worker 6 times, my Therapist 7 times and my Peer Worker twice. I let it slip to my therapist a week ago I was off my meds.

No-one can tell. I'm completely the same. I know I'm a very good Actress. I think people just see me or don't even pay attention to me. I mean sometimes people act like they know me but they don't.

If I truly had Bipolar would I not be affected? Would people not notice? Would things not be in a mess? Maybe I never had this and it was the closest thing to a diagnosis the Psychiatrist could give me? Maybe it was all in other people's heads?

If I don't succumb to mania or depression or psychosis then to me I'm free.... I can go live a proper life. I was hoping to have a job but on Thursday when I saw my Peer Worker she said I wasn't quite ready for work. I don't want to volunteer anymore. I do enough of it. But that's what I am to do. Pick up more volunteering grr!!!