Welcome!

I definitely relate to a lot of what you've described. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you.

In a way, people with experiences similar to mine, and possibly yours, do indeed have a piece missing.

I said very similar words to the first therapist I ever saw, as a student. She didn't get it, unfortunately, but many years later another therapist helped me greatly by mentioning the phrase 'adapted child'. I wish one of the therapists I consulted during my life had mentioned it to me sooner! Why know the correct phrase for a person, and not tell them?

Anyway, that's just a bit of a rant.

In my understanding, an adapted child is often so scared of, or put-down by, by their so called carer that they focus all of their attention on them just in order to survive.

As well as this state of sometimes decades-long hyper-focus, the child is rarely or never given the chance to do all those things their fellow children are doing. Being naughty. Testing boundaries. Finding out what they need and want. And, of course, safely expressing anger.

I can pretty much say that the last one has had a big effect on my life.

Many of us simply don't know how to do it!

I'm not meaning to be gloomy. Things do get better! Please feel encouraged, and know that you're amongst people who understand.