(( Mouns ))

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without t it feels like death. oh to not need t but i dont need her but my heart aches for her?

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You sound like you are in a hard place that I can related to. Recently "not needing" was a defence that was working then fell apart quickly. There's so much behind the needing. Such a longing it can make, but such a risk it is to take.

Struggling with missing between sessions, I realized that time equals distance. The longer the time away from T, the farther it feels I am from her and the more intense the missing feels and the more frantic I feel.

Email sounds good, a way to connect. But then the reply would be a reminder that she isn't in her usual "there" so how would that feel.

Missing and wanting and longing are so intense.