I think perhaps it might be wise to focus less on worrying whether or not you are bipolar so you can channel your energy into staying as healthy as possible. Track your moods daily. Eat right. Stay away from substances. Deal with your emotions properly. Find spiritual balance. Do all that you can to give your mind and heart the best chance possible for success.

Let someone close to you know what you're doing and be honest about not taking meds. Lying creates imbalance and that's the last thing you need.

You do have a history of classic bipolar manic behavior that I have spoken with you about on several occasions spaced apart over the last year. So you were cycling while on the meds. You can for sure say you have experienced bipolar like cycles recently. That's a fact. However, I can appreciate wanting to see how you do without medication. If you feel you owe that to yourself, then you must do what feels right.

If you or a loved one sees signs of a swing it makes sense for you to be monitored closely. It makes sense to take action and returning to meds should be a consideration. Do not fear taking proper action to care for yourself. Anything you do to stay safe is an accomplishment and in no way a sign of failure.

Bpcyclist gave some great info regarding relapse. In my mind those numbers make sense for several reasons. I've spent a great deal of time researching how the mind and the body process emotional catalysts. Our minds and bodies are essentially programmed over time to respond in a certain way based upon past experiences. This is why triggers affect us the way they do. They set off chain reactions within us and it is highly likely we will receive similar results if we do not do the work to force ourselves to create new patterns and responses to these catalysts. In essence, it makes complete sense that you'd be 'fine' while your triggers are at bay. I imagine though that unless you have a well defined strategy of working with future triggers and a lot of support you might find yourself cycling again. Even if you did do all of the work to create new patterns you might find you still need medication or other psychotherapy support. There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with that and it is wise and loving to offer ourselves what we need to stay safe and healthy.

I wish you all the best with this Miss Laura. I experience you as an intelligent woman. I believe you are gifted enough to do what is best for yourself. Not understanding the words others use does not mean you are not intelligent. It means they have failed to offer communication in a way that resonates with you. If anything I have said here confuses you, let me know and I'll see what I can do to find a better metaphor to help explain.