This one is a tough one for me and seems to be the root question (open marriage question is included in that). Since I've been working on myself and doing counseling, I've come to the conclusion very recently that I suffer (have for 15+ years) from Borderline Personality Disorder. Which affects a lot of things for me regarding shifting self image, values, sense of self-worth, boudaries etc. Which, affects my ability to answer the question within myself. I think that's why I seek input so often. Honestly if I just listen to myself I get scared because the answer seems to be leave. But then I have the tendency to self-sabbatoge so is this that, and it quickly gets convoluted in my brain. Just being honest.

We spoke again yesterday at length about it. I believe we got to the point of that I'm suppossed to accept she feels this way about the other person, but won't act on it. While I said, work on not thinking about her. I don't know how to put the ultimatum, don't think about her or I'm leaving, as this just seems like it'd have the opposite intended affect. Then again maybe it's as simple as that. I did say that if anything ever happened with her I'd leave, so she knows that.

Thank you for the responses. Going to try and get out of the denial to true acceptance, and continue to look into marriage counseling.